Do you have a question for Pastor Dave? If it's a good one, you will find it published here. (By the way, the only bad question is one that is only intended to start an argument).

The Question

Hello,

I am totally confused about the divorce and remarriage and committing adultery.  There are so many different views where some pastors are saying you can be forgiven for your past sins and remarrying is ok.  There are some that say I am in a continued stated of adultery because my first husband is still alive.  I am puzzled about my situation because, I am a Christian and I have divorced and remarried.  My first husband and I were 20 when we married and did not understand what we were getting into.  He deserted me and I believe he was involved in other affairs, especially since I found him living with another woman.  However, I did forgive him for this before we were actually divorced and we remained intimate and our plans were to reconcile since we were separated.

However, I met another man and I began sleeping with him so I myself was committing adultery.  I divorced in 1988 because I wanted to marry another.  I remember talking to a former pastor and he explained to me after my first marriage was over not to be hurried to get into another relationship.  However, I did not listen because I've always wanted to be married and I did not wait on the Lord and I chose a second husband.   We married in 1992.

The sad thing about this situation is I am now 40 years old and currently going through a second divorce with my second husband (the divorce is in the final stages).  Over the years he has been abusive, an alcoholic/drug addict and not providing for his family.   My second husband abuses alcohol so much to the point it is killing him.   I did not see all of this in the beginning before I married him and now I have gone through years of depression and my children were raised in a dysfunctional household.  To make matters even more confusing my first husband (whom also has married again) has been going through the same situation of fearing he is living in sin by being married to another woman (whom is also divorced), since.  He has since came to Christ.  He believes the marriage is unscriptural.

My first husband is continuously telling me that he believes we are still married in the eyes of the Lord because of certain bible verses mainly "what god has joined together let no man put asunder" and "one husband one wife" and others. He has expressed his concerns many times about reconciliation. I admit I still love my first husband and I would like to reconcile with him but I do not know if this is the right thing to do since he has remarried and we were previously divorced. I spoke with my Pastor and he insists that we are not married since we are divorced and he is the husband of another wife.

My Pastor and my parents both advise me to go on with my life and the Lord will provide me with another husband just wait on him.

My concern is I believe divorce from my first husband was unscriptural since I had overlooked his adultery and continued a sexual relationship with him before I was actually divorce.    So how can I say that we divorced for fornication when I continued to lay with him in belief that my marriage should work.   Also as stated earlier, I would like to reconcile with my first husband because I truly do still love him and we are still as one I believe.  But would this be an abomination according to the scriptures in Deuteronomy since I remarried?  Do you have any advice you can offer.

Pastor's Response

Kingdom Way does not normally hand out marital advice. Jesus never did it, and we tend to follow his examples. Instead, Jesus always pointed out basic spiritual principles and, in effect, said, "This is the way you should go." If the person had the ears to hear and the eyes to see spiritual truths, he (or she) understood the power of the principle, and filled in the details. The principle in your case is found in Jesus' words, "Go and sin no more" (John 8:11).  In other words, it is most important to set aside the past and start the first day of the rest of our life with a clean slate--and a determination to keep it clean.

It is also important that you avoid all of those immature and uninspired interpretations of the scriptures that serve only complicate your spiritual growth and reduce God a size that is manageable by petty little minds and empty spirits. On the other hand, you are getting some wise and Godly council from your pastor and parents. You should listen to them. And since you are able to call upon the wise council of a few people who know you very well, I suggest you run a few ideas past them: (1) If your second husband is all you say he is, it is wise to let go of that marriage as quickly and cleanly as possible. (2) You should then turn all your attention and affections toward your children. Here you have a wonderful opportunity to set right some things that are the consequences of your past mistakes. (3) Avoid setting your sights on another man--you don't need one at this time. And above all, don't meddle in your first husband's marriage. You can only hurt yourself and a lot of other people again.

Quoting Jesus again, "Go and sin no more." And right after that (in John 8:12) he says, "I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." Let Jesus, not another boyfriend or husband, be the light of your life.